Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
