hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
