id be glad to
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
