I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
