So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
