Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
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