I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
