WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
