Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
