Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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