Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
