I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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