Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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