i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
