So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
