I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She bit a glass in half.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
