the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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