I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
