You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
