And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
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