so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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