If i come over, it means nothing
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
