I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
