Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
