Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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