I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
