There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
