I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
