That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
