Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
