My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
