this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
