do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
