my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
