At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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