i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
