wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
