I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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