I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think my vagina is haunted
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
