i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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