Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
