I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
