Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Is Oprah even human
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
