I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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