I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
do nipples grow back?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
