Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
