yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
