that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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