haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
