3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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