Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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