Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
