Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
