I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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