why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
